men in abusive relationships

According to 2002 SAVI [Sexual Abuse and Violence in Ireland], 9.7% of Irish men reported experiencing contact sexual

assaults as growing adults. As at 2016, {Australia}, male victims reported experiencing sexual violence since the age of 15, 55% reported female perpetrator, while 51% reported a male perpetrator.

In 2012, the UN refugee agency issued guidelines for UNHCR staffs and aid workers on how to support male victims of sexual violence and human rights situations.

Studies on social attitudes and behaviors, shows that violence is perceived more or less serious, based on gender differences, enforcement officers are reluctant to file charges when a man is a victim of abuse, due to the over representation of men being the major perpetrators in crime and abuse.

Domestic violence is prominent in Nigeria as at in other parts of Africa, and it has shown no signs of reduction, regardless of age, sex, tribe, religion or even social status.

There are difference types of abuse meted out to the male gender, but due to the social system, mode of upbringing and child training, men are taught to be headstrong, stoic, brave, unemotional, phlegmatic, and built not to express emotions, tears, as it would make them feel vulnerable, so, several men hold unto feelings, emotions, hurts, pains as it would cause stigmatization, and feeling of vulnerability if its duly expressed.

Domestic violence is classified into 2; physical abuse, and emotional abuse, although men also experience physical abuse growing up, which distorts their personalities, creating a buildup of violent characters, abusive behaviors, and marred psyche, they tend to stay strong, composed and responsible, but those hidden pains and traumatic experience, are there, and often causes sudden flare-ups, and outbursts, that can be quite dangerous.

This doesn’t classify for commending wrong behaviors, and attitudes, but a way in which these matters are addressed and resolved.

In relationships, men mostly experience emotional abuse, how?

· Emotional abuse:

Its very true, that several women go through emotional abuse in their various relationships, and most at times due to various wrong upbringing, and societal influences, and its widely noted, and they seem not to recognize the hurts a man go through in that same relationship, probably he’s outburst was borne out of built up emotions, and instead of crying it out, it was transferred into anger and hate.

Funny enough its understandable that 50% of the crimes men go into are influenced by emotional trauma, reason why they resort to drinking, smoking, the use of drugs, and illicit activities.

While we judge the men for hurting a woman, we should also consider the emotional trauma they experience, they are humans too, not gods, they are being insulted, abused, demoralized, shamed, by the society, and even their loved ones, when they are unable to meet certain standards, not regarding the state of the economy and other factors affecting their non-productivity.

Often men commit suicide, wallow in alcoholism and drugs in order to relieve them of the pain and hurts they go through, its not easy to be a man.

I urge all mothers, sisters, wives, to quit being self-centered, considering their own feelings and emotions and pay attention to the men around them, they too need love, they need care, attention, gifts, they need to be encouraged, respected, supported, softly spoken too, they need reassurance of affection and your stand with them, this alone is enough push to see them get better, in whatever they are doing.

So many wives, mothers, sisters, and females have pushed men into their own graves, all in the course of pleasing them.

My advice to men

· Quit relationships, you don’t feel comfortable, loved, encouraged, and supported in, if you are often pressurized, nagged at, humiliated, and frequently compared, please walk out.

· Take it step by step, and praise yourself for each mile stone covered in your career and success journey, you are strong, you are getting there

· Stay clear from friends, family who influence you negatively, in other to satisfy their desires.

· Love and appreciate yourself first.

· Feel free to express your emotions and cry it out, with someone you feel at peace with

· See a therapist in issues that are beyond your control

· Maintain a close relationship with God

By Juliet Joshua.

@mariamurphy’s blog.